Kathy Stolecki

New Adventures!

1/10/2019

It has been a crazy-busy time over the past two months, and I’ve realized a couple of things:

I am not quite ready to commit to writing once a week – but will write as often as I can.
Saying ‘Goodbye’ is bitter sweet, but when you have an optimistic perspective it tends to be more sweet than bitter.
Getting into ‘panic mode’ closes off your options and ‘best thinking’.
By believing you deserve the best, listening to your intuition (that nagging thought that won’t leave you alone) and doing the next indicated step, good things open up for you.

Let me share how I came to these insights.

The coaching position I held for the past 3 years ended on December 31st due to downsizing our department. We were given ample ‘heads up’ that we’d be losing our jobs, for which I am very grateful. As I said goodbye to an amazing team of coaches, trainers, administrative staff, supervisors and managers, I continue to feel so grateful to have been a part of this talented and caring group of people. I must confess. I felt ready for a change before we were given notice, but what would that change look like? What did I want it to look like?

Though I love coaching, I felt a bit burned out, so I contemplated a career change. Perhaps I’d return to customer service, or working in the addictions field, or try something totally new, like selling cars! Yes, I actually was excited about selling cars: being outdoors, driving new cars and coaching my customers into their ‘best fit’ new car! After exploring the details of these potential jobs and wrapping things at my job, I realized something: as I said goodbye to each member I received an affirmation that I am good at what I do, and more importantly, I love what I do! Coaching is my passion. To walk with someone on their journey is an incredible honor. It is a privilege I take very seriously, realizing the responsibility of doing so. Also, as a recovering ACA (Adult Child of Alcoholics), I realized that to do what I love is the greatest act of love I could give myself.

Then came the next question: where would I land? What companies are hiring health coaches? I applied for a couple of positions but didn’t get an interview. “Why?”, I wondered. "I am so qualified!" I started to panic. Then my best friend in life, my spouse, reminded me to trust the process and to stay out of fear. She reminded me that I qualified for unemployment, so when severance runs out we'd still be ok. With a sigh of relief, a thought started to nag at me: "what about that company my colleague mentioned? Maybe I should check it out. There may still be positions open." When I finally listened to that ‘nagging thought’ it turned out to be my next employer! I got the job! I’ll continue to be a health coach for a cutting edge new company, and I’ll get to work from home!

Once again I’m reminded how important it is to listen to your intuition, to that nagging thought, the still, small voice - however you characterize it. Wisdom comes to the quiet mind, usually in a quiet way.

I’m off on a new adventure starting on Monday, January 14th, when I’ll be in day one of a two week training with my new company in San Francisco!

I’d love to hear from you:

Have you experienced that nagging thought, that still, small voice?
If so, how often do you listen to it?
When you do, how has it effected you on your journey?
When you don’t listen, how does that effect your journey?

To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!

Until next time, be gentle with yourself, make decisions based on love, not fear, smile and Shine Your Light!

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Sweet, Sweet Soul

11/25/2018

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A couple months ago I mentioned I’m experiencing a major change in my life. I can how share with you that my job is being phased out and I’m on ‘the job hunt’. My passion is coaching and empowering others to live their best life and to this end I have been on the search, open to new and exciting experiences where I can use my gifts to uplift others, supporting them to find their Power within to accomplish whatever is important to them.

During this process I have been keenly aware of how peaceful I’ve felt. I’ve done my inner work and have come to trust my Higher Power – my Creator – that I am being led to where I am meant to be. I see myself as a joyous co-creator, in touch with my gifts, my passion and open to God’s guidance, knowing I’m being led where I can best be of service. How did I arrive at this place of peace? Why am I not freaking out?

I’ve been blessed to have had a strong connection to my Creator, my Source, aka God, since I was a child. Connection to God was valued highly in my family, and my Dad and Mom both taught the value of being of service by what they said and how they lived their lives. Though my parents laid a strong foundation, I’ve had to find my own spirituality, which has made that connection strong. Getting sober, participating in 12 Step recovery, healing my inner child and staying connected to her and my Source through journaling, prayer, meditation – keeping my Connections strong, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, have all been vital to my growth, empowerment and serenity. To learn more about my journey check out my book ‘Waking Up Sober in a Convent – and Other Spiritual Adventures’.

I’ve continued my spiritual development by reading and studying A Course in Miracles. I attend a wonderful study group each Sunday. This has become my ‘church’ time, and I value the connections, insights and support I receive from my group and from J’s message in the Course. The Course has then led me to another spiritual book: The Way of Mastery. In this book, J speaks again to us, sharing powerful processes for following our heart, transforming fear into love and finally knowing the truth of who we are: God’s kids, created by God to reflect who God is: unconditional Love!

Do you ever wonder why you feel so good when you’re being loving? It’s because that’s your true nature!

Now, if you feel fearful of opening your heart, of being loving, don’t worry. That fear is just letting you know you have some healing work to do. What can this healing work look like? Using a cognitive approach, it could be to notice the messages you give yourself, write them down, and then come up with more nurturing, empowering messages to give yourself. Or, using the Inner Child model, that fear is just your scared, vulnerable inner child who needs to be loved. Re-parent your inner child with love, patience, perseverance and guidance. If you’re curious about how to do this work, review my previous blog from 8/1/18.

Whichever approach appeals to you, please know that I’m here as your coach to guide and support you through this process, if you like. Just text or give me a call and we can get started.

I’d love to hear from you:

What tools have supported you on your spiritual journey?
Where do you get hung up by fear?
What strategies best support you to move forward towards empowerment?
What are you willing to do to be free?

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Up in Smoke

10/28/2018

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Welcome back! Last time we discussed the importance of connections and how we need to allow ourselves to grieve when letting go of connections that don’t serve us.

This past week I revisited Brené Brown’s TED Talks on Vulnerability and Shame. Please check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

These talks highlight how vital connections are to our well-being. Brown talks about what qualities the ‘whole hearted’ tend to have in common. The ‘whole hearted’ are those who have the ability to live life fully, who are not bogged down by shame, but are able to be vulnerable and to make significant connections that make life worth living. These qualities are:

Courage – an ability to live with an open heart
Compassion – for self and others
Connection – able to be vulnerable and to connect honestly with others

Strong connections with self, God and others as well as powerful motivation and effective strategies are the recipe needed to successfully change one’s behavior. Whether that behavior is letting go of an addiction or a destructive way of being, success can be experienced when each of these components are present.

Today I want to talk about strategies for letting go of addictive behavior, such as smoking cigarettes. These strategies can be used for any addiction, whether it’s other forms of tobacco or other substances. First, you must get clear about your motivation, your ‘reason why’ you want to stop smoking. It could be for better health now and to live longer to ensure you’re around to enjoy your family. It could be to be able to run that half marathon you’ve been wanting to tackle. You may want to quit because your child doesn’t want to hug you because of the way you smell. Whatever your motivation, keep it ever present in your mind, especially when you are struggling to follow your plan.

Next, you need a plan, including a timeline for quitting and strategies that will support you when tempted. It’s important to give yourself time to practice your strategies. Give yourself about 2-4 weeks to practice. You know best what you need to be ready. Be honest with yourself about how much time you need. During this time you will not only practice your strategies but you may also look into whether NRT (nicotine replacement therapy, ie, the patch, the gum or the lozenge) is a viable option for you. There are also medications available, so you may want to check in with your doctor about your options. Choose your quit date since doing so prevents procrastination.

Now for the strategies. I offer you ‘The 4 Ds’:

Delay – when you have a craving, don’t give in. Know it will pass in about 5-10 minutes.
Distract – move right into doing something to distract yourself from smoking. Wash the dishes, chew gum, walk the dog, do push-ups!
Drink water – stay hydrated. It helps you feel calmer and is a healthy distraction.
Deep breathing – in through your nose, out through your mouth. Watch your belly rise and fall as you inhale and exhale. Do 4 count breathing: inhale-2-3-4 and exhale-2-3-4. Pause. Repeat.

Before your quit day begin delaying your usual cigarette by 5-20 minutes. You are building your ‘stay quit’ muscles a little bit at a time as you experience the discomfort of not smoking when you want to, and as you do so, you are developing coping skills as you manage the resulting discomfort.

Get rid of all your cigarettes before your quit day. Celebrate your quit day by choosing to do something healthy and good for you to mark the occasion. Play your favorite sport or musical instrument, or get a massage or take yourself out to a movie. And be sure to tell your support group, your ‘Connections’, about your plan to quit and about your quit day and ask for the support you need.

I’d love to hear from you:

What addiction are you ready to let go of?
What is your motivation for quitting?
What strategies are you willing to use?
If you’ve overcome an addiction, please share your experience. What worked for you? What didn’t work so well?

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Making Connections that Count

10/14/2018

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As spiritual beings having a human experience, we all need to feel connected: to others, to ourselves, to God, to nature – you name it. It is very telling that drug dealers are often called ‘connections’. Yes, feeling connected is one of our basic needs.

When we feel connected, we thrive. Connections need to nurture us. They need to support our spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical growth. When they don’t, they need to be scrutinized and removed from our lives. This can be a difficult process.

What happens when we become addicted to substances, to food, or actions that inhibit our growth and prevent us from thriving? Denial can blind us to the reality of the situation. We need others to help us see what’s truly going on. We need the honest feedback of others, including ‘tough love’ and support in order to move out of denial and into acceptance that ‘yes, this thing is not good for me. I need to make a change’.

There are many 12-Step programs and treatment options available for various addictions. Admitting and accepting on a deep level that one is powerlessness, and moving toward the personal empowerment of saying ‘no’ to active addiction – these are the first steps of the recovery process. During this time it is quite normal to experience feelings of sadness when giving up one’s drug of choice. Yes, grief is a very normal part of the recovery journey.

It can be helpful to write a ‘goodbye’ letter to one’s drug of choice, recounting the good, the bad and the ugly of one’s using history. What may have started out as an innocent curiosity or way of socializing or coping with life’s challenges has, at some point, become destructive and needs to be let go of, and yet this doesn’t negate the sadness of saying goodbye to an ‘old friend’.

It is important to conclude this letter with what you are hopeful about, what you are looking forward to, by moving on from addiction to a life of empowerment. Then, find a safe person to share this letter with, as a way of validating your experience.

I’ll be sharing other tools in the coming weeks. Until then, I’d love to hear from you:

What are you powerless over?
What addiction(s), if any, do you struggle with?
If you’re in recovery from an addiction, do you recall going through a grieving process, and if so, how did you move through it?

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Empowerment

9/23/2018

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It’s been over a month since my last blog. I truly apologize for my absence. I’ve experienced a few major changes in my life that I’m not ready yet to talk about, but suffice to say these changes have made me question what I’m about and where I want to go from here. And this process has reconfirmed a few things for me:

I love to empower others to find the Light within them and to Let is Shine!
I love J (my nickname for Jesus, adopted from Gary R. Renard’s books*) and find J’s true message in A Course in Miracles and desire to share J’s Message with those who desire to hear it.
I love to empower others to be free from addictions, such as smoking, alcohol, food, shame, self-defeating behaviors, etc.
I love empowering others to manage stress more effectively.
I love the healing power of inner child work, and find joy in supporting others on that journey.
I love to support others through the grieving process.
I love coaching, meeting you where you are at on your journey to wholeness.
And finally, I love sharing these topics with groups who are interested in learning more.

Over the next couple of weeks I’ll be sharing on each topic. For now, I’d love to hear from you:

Which of the above topics interest you?
How aware are you of your Light, your Divine Spark within?
What addiction(s), if any, do you struggle with?
Have you been interested in A Course in Miracles? If so, what questions do you have? How do you study it: alone with the Holy Spirit or in a study group or both?
What issues of grief or loss are you grappling with?
What do you do to manage stress?

To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!

Until next time, be gentle with yourself, smile and Shine Your Light!

*Gary R. Renard’s books: The Disappearance of the Universe, Your Immortal Reality, Love has Forgotten No One, The Lifetimes When Jesus and Buddha Knew Each Other.

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Finding Balance

8/19/2018

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It’s been two weeks since my last blog. I’ve been feeling ‘off’ lately and couldn’t wrap my mind around what I wanted to share. The energy feels weird, have you noticed? It may have something to do with Mercury being in retrograde, whatever that means, or a meteor shower affecting the earth’s energy. Whatever it is, I’ve been feeling it. Have you? Many friends have been noticing feeling ‘off’ lately, too: unable to concentrate, feeling disorganized, body aches and fatigue. What can we do to take care of ourselves when feeling ‘off’?

Here are some self-care tips as well as my spiritual perspective. As with anything I share, take what you like (what works for you) and leave the rest.

Be Gently with Yourself! – It does no good to beat yourself up for feeling ‘off’, inadequate, etc. You are a lovable, capable being, worthy of respect and kindness. Treat yourself accordingly.
Do one thing that nurtures your Spirit, and do it daily. It may be taking a walk, working out, praying and/or meditating, making time for spiritual reading, spending time with loved ones, singing or playing a musical instrument. The list is endless. What nurtures your Spirit?
Stick with your healthy routine as best you can. I let my morning runs go over the past week because I was just too achy and tired. It only made me feel worse. I ran this morning with my dog Ella and now we both feel great!
Reach Out. Ask for help. Don’t isolate. We need to feel connected with others and God – Higher Power – Source – All That Is.
Know that ‘This too shall pass.’ Hard times are not permanent. Life has an ebb and flow to it, just like the ocean tides.
Make it a priority to get in touch with that Divine Spark Within. How? There are many ways. Get out in nature and practice present moment awareness. Take in the sights, sounds, smells. Get quiet and breathe deeply. Meditate: inhale ‘Be Here’ – exhale ‘Now’. Sing. Laugh. Appreciate.

Getting in touch with your Divinity puts things into perspective. Here’s what I mean by that: From A Course in Miracles: ‘God is but Love and so am I’, and so are you. This world we know will pass away. But Love never dies. Love is true. Love is real. Only what’s done for Love and with Love is real and what is real is eternal. How’s that for putting things into perspective!

I encourage you to be gentle with yourself, every moment of every day, and be gentle with your brothers and sisters as well. Take a moment and reflect on these questions:

How do I know when I’m feeling ‘off’?
What can I do to take care of myself during those times?
What is my spiritual perspective and how does it serve me?
How comfortable am I with reaching out for help when I need it?

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About Kathy

As a National Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I specialize in the following issues:

dealing with grief and loss
issues related to growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, ie self-esteem, grief, stress management, inner child.
quitting smoking or vape

I have been on a spiritual quest throughout my life, seeking answers to some of life’s deep questions:

Why are we here?
What happens after we die?
If God is Love, why does God allow us to suffer pain and loss?
How can we find peace and joy amidst the challenges and changes in life?

I have long been drawn to these deep ponderings, as well as to a life of service. I entered the convent at 20 years old, was blessed to get sober while in the convent, felt led to leave two years later, and then continued my spiritual journey.

You can read my spiritual memoir ‘Waking Up Sober in a Convent – and Other Spiritual Adventures’ – click on the Book tab at top of page or go to www.KathyStolecki.com

Along the way I’ve found spiritual tools to aid my recovery from addictions and codependency, have learned the power of being true to myself, have discovered the gift of freedom by dealing with grief and loss and have found spiritual nuggets of GOLD which I’m so excited to share with you! I will be sharing these nuggets with you in my blog.

I am also available to support you on your journey as your Coach. See my Coaching page for more information.

I am eager to hear from you:

what challenges do you face?
what helps you get through tough times?

Comment Feature is now working. Just click on 'Comments' and leave your comment. I look forward to hearing from you!!

New Adventures!

Sweet, Sweet Soul

Up in Smoke

Making Connections that Count

Empowerment

Finding Balance

About Kathy

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