Kathy Stolecki
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Finding Balance

8/19/2018

2 Comments

 
It’s been two weeks since my last blog.  I’ve been feeling ‘off’ lately and couldn’t wrap my mind around what I wanted to share.  The energy feels weird, have you noticed?  It may have something to do with Mercury being in retrograde, whatever that means, or a meteor shower affecting the earth’s energy. Whatever it is, I’ve been feeling it.  Have you? Many friends have been noticing feeling ‘off’ lately, too:  unable to concentrate, feeling disorganized, body aches and fatigue.  What can we do to take care of ourselves when feeling ‘off’?
 
Here are some self-care tips as well as my spiritual perspective.  As with anything I share, take what you like (what works for you) and leave the rest.
 
  1. Be Gently with Yourself! – It does no good to beat yourself up for feeling ‘off’, inadequate, etc.  You are a lovable, capable being, worthy of respect and kindness.  Treat yourself accordingly.
  2. Do one thing that nurtures your Spirit, and do it daily. It may be taking a walk, working out, praying and/or meditating, making time for spiritual reading, spending time with loved ones, singing or playing a musical instrument.  The list is endless.  What nurtures your Spirit?
  3. Stick with your healthy routine as best you can.  I let my morning runs go over the past week because I was just too achy and tired.  It only made me feel worse.  I ran this morning with my dog Ella and now we both feel great!
  4. Reach Out. Ask for help.  Don’t isolate.  We need to feel connected with others and God – Higher Power – Source – All That Is.
  5. Know that ‘This too shall pass.’  Hard times are not permanent. Life has an ebb and flow to it, just like the ocean tides.
  6. Make it a priority to get in touch with that Divine Spark Within.  How? There are many ways.  Get out in nature and practice present moment awareness. Take in the sights, sounds, smells.  Get quiet and breathe deeply.  Meditate:  inhale ‘Be Here’ – exhale ‘Now’.  Sing. Laugh. Appreciate. 
 
Getting in touch with your Divinity puts things into perspective.  Here’s what I mean by that:  From A Course in Miracles:  ‘God is but Love and so am I’, and so are you.  This world we know will pass away. But Love never dies. Love is true. Love is real.  Only what’s done for Love and with Love is real and what is real is eternal.  How’s that for putting things into perspective!
 
I encourage you to be gentle with yourself, every moment of every day, and be gentle with your brothers and sisters as well.  Take a moment and reflect on these questions:
 
  • How do I know when I’m feeling ‘off’? 
  • What can I do to take care of myself during those times?
  • What is my spiritual perspective and how does it serve me?
  • How comfortable am I with reaching out for help when I need it?
 
To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!
 
Until next time, be gentle with yourself, smile and Shine Your Light!
2 Comments

Silence

8/5/2018

1 Comment

 
Last evening I attended my first ‘farm to table’ event here in Kentucky.  The food was fabulous. The company, superb. The only issue was that I’m a sensitive person, and being so, I found the noise level both irritating and draining. I’d take brief walks to refill my Arnold Palmer (lemonade and iced tea) and scout the surrounding area, which was beautiful farm land.  This event reminded me of the importance of quiet alone time. 
 
The world can keep us very busy: do ‘this’ for your family, do ‘that’ for your job, and don’t forget to do ‘that other thing’ for your friends and / or your church or community. While there’s a place for being of service and for ‘doing’, it is also important to balance that with ‘being’.  Making quality ‘me’ time a priority in your week is important to your spiritual and emotional health.  While everyone’s need for quality alone time varies, it is important to become aware of how much and what type of alone time one needs in order to stay balanced and to thrive.
 
This morning I opted to have quiet ‘me’ time, which I spent meditating and reading A Course in Miracles rather than join in with my Course study group. That time alone with Spirit recharged and invigorated me.  Now I feel ready to face the day!
 
Years ago, after I left the convent and got busy in the world, I wrote the following song, called ‘Silence’:
 
There’s a peace I find in Silence, though I’m reluctant to pass through its gate; but when I do I find myself with You, and the ecstasy was worth the wait.
 
The Love I find in Your Eyes lets me know I’m never alone. You’re here with me; that’s where I long to be. You’ve touched me and I have grown.
 
Why do I run my day away, keeping too busy to hear what You say?
When all along I know, whenever things go wrong, You’re the One I turn to
To show me the way…
 
And there’s a peace I find in Silence, though I’m reluctant to pass through its gate; but when I do I find myself with You, and the ecstasy was worth the wait.
 
The Love I find in Your Eyes lets me know I’m never alone. You’re here with me; that’s where I long to be. You’ve touched me and I have grown.
 
 
My encouragement to you:  look at your day, your week, your priorities and listen to your gut and your heart and be honest as you ask yourself: 
 
  • When and how often do I need quality ‘me’ time? 
  • What do I want my ‘me’ time to look like?
  • What do I hope to find by taking this time?
  • How comfortable am I with silence?
  • How will I feel after taking this quality ‘me’ time? 
 
To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!
 
Until next time, make time for yourself and Shine Your Light!
1 Comment

Find the Child Within

8/1/2018

2 Comments

 
This past year I’ve been attending a 12 Step meeting for those affected by being raised in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family.  I had attended meetings back in the 80’s when I got sober and experienced powerful healings and personal/spiritual growth.  I’d like to share my experience of ‘finding my inner child’ and how reclaiming her and re-parenting her has led to a life of empowerment.  
 
I am sharing my experience with you to inform you of the power of doing this healing work and what it can look like. I am in no way a spokesperson for any 12 Step organization.    
 
 Back in the day (in the early 1980s) many were becoming aware of the fact that growing up in an alcoholic or otherwise dysfunctional family had affected them in similar ways.  I took a look at what is called the laundry list and felt both sadness and relief:  I was not alone.  Others experience these characteristics and there is a way out of this mess! 
 
You can find this list of characteristics at:  
 
https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/
 
 I related to this list 100% and, though I felt a sense of hope that a solution was possible, I wasn’t quite sure what that process would look like.  The tools I discovered included attending meetings regularly, finding a counselor who understood my adult child issues, reading materials that spoke about the problem and the solution and listening to Bob E who spoke about ‘finding the child, who has so many tears to shed’.
 
While I was busy cleaning my way through college (house cleaning business, that is) I would listen to AA speaker tapes and Bob E was my speaker of choice. He was not shy about talking about his dysfunctional childhood and how that led to a life of chaos and addiction as an adult. He shared about his process of finding his inner child, that little boy within him who got wounded from lack of love and healthy parenting so many years ago, who was now crying for attention, disrupting his life in order to be heard.  Bob had a way of sharing his experience that touched my inner child.  She also felt unloved and unlovable, and I began to realize it was my job to give her the love and guidance she didn’t get all those years ago. 
 
My counselor gave me a hand-out from a book called ‘Big You – Little You’, by Grace Kirsten and Richard Robertiello, M.D.  It talked about Separation Therapy, where you learn to distinguish and separate the following perspectives or voices:

  1. You, the Individual or the Observer.  You are the one separating Big You – the Adult, nurturing parent from Little You, your inner child.
  2. The Adult, nurturing parent, aka Big You – who needs to take responsibility for his/her life and set healthy, nurturing boundaries for the inner child. Big provides guidance, protection, care and buckets of love to Little.
  3. The Inner Child – Little You.  Let’s refer to Little as ‘they’ for simplicity. This is the emotional child within who needs to know they are loved, cared for and protected.  If they sense that no one is taking care of them, they will cry out for attention, usually in destructive ways (picture a child having a temper tantrum or isolating themselves off in a corner, trying to be invisible). They need to know that Big is there for them and that Big loves them unconditionally and will set healthy boundaries to keep Little safe. 
 
 Here’s what this work looks like. When you, the Individual, become aware of strong emotions you start a dialogue between Big and Little. This dialogue can be written out or spoken out loud, preferably when alone for obvious reasons! 
 
I had this dialogue early on in my work w/Separation Therapy. While watching TV alone in my first little apartment, a ‘reach out and touch someone’ commercial came on and I started to cry. 
 
Big:  Little, what’s wrong?
Little:  I miss my mommy…
Big:  I know you miss your mommy, but she’s 2000 miles away. But I’m here and I love you.  I’ll always be here for you.
Little:  (calming down now)  Really? You’re here for me?
Big:  Yes.  I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you in the past, but I am here for you now.  I love you and I’ll take care of you.
Little:  Ok.  That feels better.  (Little felt safe and loved.  Little calmed down and stopped crying)
 
As adult children we have much sadness, much grief that needs to be addressed.  We need to talk about it, be heard and experience the love and acceptance of others who understand because they’ve been there.  The nods of understanding from others in these meetings are part of that healing.  And the most powerful healing is when we start to love and accept that needy, wounded child within.  As that child heals they become the ‘wonder child’, as John Bradshaw called it.  That child has enriched my life in wonderful ways.
 
John Bradshaw was a pioneer in reclaiming the inner child.  His books can be found at:   https://www.johnbradshaw.com/
 
You Tube also has some of his videos, so feel free to browse. 
 
To learn more about Bob E, visit:  https://aca-arizona.org/bob-earll/
 
Doing this work has been a journey through grief that has led me to a lighter place where the pay off includes an increase in joy, self-confidence and spontaneity as well as the ability to be vulnerable and to connect with others. 
 
I am looking forward to your Share on this topic of re-parenting the inner child:
  • What strategies work well for you to heal from childhood pain and trauma?
  • If you have unresolved grief from childhood, how open are you to this technique for moving through grief?
  • What are you willing to do to re-parent your wounded inner child?
  • What is one step you can take today to reclaim and begin to re-parent your inner child? 
 
To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!
 
Until next time, be kind to yourself and Shine Your Light!
2 Comments

    About Kathy

    As a National Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I specialize in the following issues:
    • dealing with grief and loss
    • issues related to growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, ie self-esteem, grief, stress management, inner child.
    • quitting smoking or vape
    I have been on a spiritual quest throughout my life, seeking answers to some of life’s deep questions: 
    • Why are we here? 
    • What happens after we die?
    • If God is Love, why does God allow us to suffer pain and loss?
    • How can we find peace and joy amidst the challenges and changes in life? 
    I have long been drawn to these deep ponderings, as well as to a life of service. I entered the convent at 20 years old, was blessed to get sober while in the convent, felt led to leave two years later, and then continued my spiritual journey.

    You can read my spiritual memoir ‘Waking Up Sober in a Convent – and Other Spiritual Adventures’ – click on the Book tab at top of page or go to www.KathyStolecki.com 
    ​
    Along the way I’ve found spiritual tools to aid my recovery from addictions and codependency, have learned the power of being true to myself, have discovered the gift of freedom by dealing with grief and loss and have found spiritual nuggets of GOLD which I’m so excited to share with you! I will be sharing these nuggets with you in my blog.

    I am also available to support you on your journey as your Coach. See my Coaching page for more information. 

    I am eager to hear from you: 
    • what challenges do you face? 
    • what helps you get through tough times? 
    Comment Feature is now working. Just click on 'Comments' and leave your comment. I look forward to hearing from you!!

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