Kathy Stolecki
(619) 322-5052
  • Home
  • About Kathy
  • Blog
  • Coaching
  • Book
  • Contact

Up in Smoke

10/28/2018

0 Comments

 
Welcome back! Last time we discussed the importance of connections and how we need to allow ourselves to grieve when letting go of connections that don’t serve us.      
 
This past week I revisited Brené Brown’s TED Talks on Vulnerability and Shame.  Please check it out:
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0
 
 
These talks highlight how vital connections are to our well-being.  Brown talks about what qualities the ‘whole hearted’ tend to have in common.   The ‘whole hearted’ are those who have the ability to live life fully, who are not bogged down by shame, but are able to be vulnerable and to make significant connections that make life worth living.  These qualities are: 


  • Courage – an ability to live with an open heart
  • Compassion – for self and others
  • Connection – able to be vulnerable and to connect honestly with others
 
Strong connections with self, God and others as well as powerful motivation and effective strategies are the recipe needed to successfully change one’s behavior.  Whether that behavior is letting go of an addiction or a destructive way of being, success can be experienced when each of these components are present.  
 
Today I want to talk about strategies for letting go of addictive behavior, such as smoking cigarettes.  These strategies can be used for any addiction, whether it’s other forms of tobacco or other substances.  First, you must get clear about your motivation, your ‘reason why’ you want to stop smoking.  It could be for better health now and to live longer to ensure you’re around to enjoy your family.  It could be to be able to run that half marathon you’ve been wanting to tackle.  You may want to quit because your child doesn’t want to hug you because of the way you smell.  Whatever your motivation, keep it ever present in your mind, especially when you are struggling to follow your plan. 
 
Next, you need a plan, including a timeline for quitting and strategies that will support you when tempted.  It’s important to give yourself time to practice your strategies. Give yourself about 2-4 weeks to practice.  You know best what you need to be ready. Be honest with yourself about how much time you need.  During this time you will not only practice your strategies but you may also look into whether NRT (nicotine replacement therapy, ie, the patch, the gum or the lozenge) is a viable option for you.  There are also medications available, so you may want to check in with your doctor about your options.  Choose your quit date since doing so prevents procrastination. 
 
Now for the strategies.  I offer you ‘The 4 Ds’: 
  • Delay – when you have a craving, don’t give in. Know it will pass in about 5-10 minutes. 
  • Distract – move right into doing something to distract yourself from smoking.  Wash the dishes, chew gum, walk the dog, do push-ups!
  • Drink water – stay hydrated.  It helps you feel calmer and is a healthy distraction.
  • Deep breathing – in through your nose, out through your mouth. Watch your belly rise and fall as you inhale and exhale.  Do 4 count breathing: inhale-2-3-4 and exhale-2-3-4.  Pause.  Repeat.
 
Before your quit day begin delaying your usual cigarette by 5-20 minutes.  You are building your ‘stay quit’ muscles a little bit at a time as you experience the discomfort of not smoking when you want to, and as you do so, you are developing coping skills as you manage the resulting discomfort.    
 
Get rid of all your cigarettes before your quit day.  Celebrate your quit day by choosing to do something healthy and good for you to mark the occasion.   Play your favorite sport or musical instrument, or get a massage or take yourself out to a movie.  And be sure to tell your support group, your ‘Connections’, about your plan to quit and about your quit day and ask for the support you need.  
 
I’d love to hear from you:


  • What addiction are you ready to let go of?
  • What is your motivation for quitting?
  • What strategies are you willing to use?
  • If you’ve overcome an addiction, please share your experience. What worked for you?  What didn’t work so well? 
 
To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!
 
Until next time, be gentle with yourself, smile and Shine Your Light!
​
0 Comments

Making Connections that Count

10/14/2018

1 Comment

 
As spiritual beings having a human experience, we all need to feel connected:  to others, to ourselves, to God, to nature – you name it.  It is very telling that drug dealers are often called ‘connections’.  Yes, feeling connected is one of our basic needs.    
 
When we feel connected, we thrive.  Connections need to nurture us.  They need to support our spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical growth.  When they don’t, they need to be scrutinized and removed from our lives.  This can be a difficult process.
 
What happens when we become addicted to substances, to food, or actions that inhibit our growth and prevent us from thriving?  Denial can blind us to the reality of the situation.  We need others to help us see what’s truly going on.  We need the honest feedback of others, including ‘tough love’ and support in order to move out of denial and into acceptance that ‘yes, this thing is not good for me. I need to make a change’. 
 
There are many 12-Step programs and treatment options available for various addictions.  Admitting and accepting on a deep level that one is powerlessness, and moving toward the personal empowerment of saying ‘no’ to active addiction – these are the first steps of the recovery process.  During this time it is quite normal to experience feelings of sadness when giving up one’s drug of choice.  Yes, grief is a very normal part of the recovery journey.
 
It can be helpful to write a ‘goodbye’ letter to one’s drug of choice, recounting the good, the bad and the ugly of one’s using history.  What may have started out as an innocent curiosity or way of socializing or coping with life’s challenges has, at some point, become destructive and needs to be let go of, and yet this doesn’t negate the sadness of saying goodbye to an ‘old friend’.  
 
It is important to conclude this letter with what you are hopeful about, what you are looking forward to, by moving on from addiction to a life of empowerment.  Then, find a safe person to share this letter with, as a way of validating your experience.
 
I’ll be sharing other tools in the coming weeks. Until then, I’d love to hear from you:
 
  • What are you powerless over?
  • What addiction(s), if any, do you struggle with?
  • If you’re in recovery from an addiction, do you recall going through a grieving process, and if so, how did you move through it?  
 
To Comment, just click the blue Comment on the page or see the field below. If you prefer to share just your first name, that works!
 
Until next time, be gentle with yourself, smile and Shine Your Light!
1 Comment

    About Kathy

    As a National Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I specialize in the following issues:
    • dealing with grief and loss
    • issues related to growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, ie self-esteem, grief, stress management, inner child.
    • quitting smoking or vape
    I have been on a spiritual quest throughout my life, seeking answers to some of life’s deep questions: 
    • Why are we here? 
    • What happens after we die?
    • If God is Love, why does God allow us to suffer pain and loss?
    • How can we find peace and joy amidst the challenges and changes in life? 
    I have long been drawn to these deep ponderings, as well as to a life of service. I entered the convent at 20 years old, was blessed to get sober while in the convent, felt led to leave two years later, and then continued my spiritual journey.

    You can read my spiritual memoir ‘Waking Up Sober in a Convent – and Other Spiritual Adventures’ – click on the Book tab at top of page or go to www.KathyStolecki.com 
    ​
    Along the way I’ve found spiritual tools to aid my recovery from addictions and codependency, have learned the power of being true to myself, have discovered the gift of freedom by dealing with grief and loss and have found spiritual nuggets of GOLD which I’m so excited to share with you! I will be sharing these nuggets with you in my blog.

    I am also available to support you on your journey as your Coach. See my Coaching page for more information. 

    I am eager to hear from you: 
    • what challenges do you face? 
    • what helps you get through tough times? 
    Comment Feature is now working. Just click on 'Comments' and leave your comment. I look forward to hearing from you!!

    Archives

    January 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    January 2018

    Categories

    All
    Press & Media

    RSS Feed

Home | About | Coaching | Book | Blog | Contact

©2004 Kathy Stolecki. All rights reserved. Login