Kathy Stolecki
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Brain:  Are You Trustworthy?

6/24/2018

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If you’ve been paying attention to the news at all (not something I recommend, by the way!) you’ve probably heard about the chaos at the border with migrant families being separated:  children being taken away from their parents.  The pictures and audio recordings of frightened children crying out for their parents, while being locked away in sterile, large rooms or cages stirs compassion in most reasonable people.  The parent’s crime: wanting something better for their children and for themselves.  That’s what my brain tells me.  Our current administration’s collective brain? ‘They are criminals who need to be locked up and prosecuted. Zero tolerance,’ and children are not part of that process.  Whose brain is right? How could it be that two people can see a situation from two totally different perspectives? 
 
Today we will be discussing cognitive distortions and their role in coaching and in addressing grief and loss.  What is a cognitive distortion?  According to:
 

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/
 
Cognitive distortions are exactly what the name implies: distortions in our cognition. Put another way, cognitive distortions are biased perspectives we take on ourselves and the world around us. They are irrational thoughts and beliefs that we unknowingly reinforce over time.
All cognitive distortions are:
  • Tendencies or patterns of thinking or believing…
  • That are false or inaccurate…
  • And have the potential to cause psychological damage.

Most conflicts come from two parties seeing things from different perspectives.  This can happen even within ourselves, causing angst and overall loss of inner peace. As I shared in my last blog, I had conflicting feelings about my Dad.  I needed to work through them with the help of a therapist, and by doing so I found peace.
 
How do you work through a cognitive distortion?  You must be willing to question yourself, put your thoughts on trial by asking:  is this fact or opinion?  Is this true?  Is this always true?
 
By using the example of the separation of families at the border I know I may have upset a few of you, dear readers, but it serves as a powerful example of the dangers of cognitive distortions.  Thinking in terms of ‘all or nothing’, labeling,  overgeneralizing (all migrants have criminal intent), catastrophizing, etc.  -  see list of cognitive distortions at:
 
 https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/cognitive-distortions/
 
can lead to many unintentional yet harmful consequences. 
 
How willing are you to move through your uncomfortable emotions, and then look at a situation from a different perspective to get closer to the truth?
 
It takes patience, courage, maturity and humility - acknowledging that you don’t have all the answers - to move past cognitive distortions in order to get to the truth of the situation.  Arriving at truth, now you have the freedom to choose how to proceed.  The pay-off:  increased inner peace as well as peace and understanding amongst your fellow travelers.  Priceless!
 
Please keep me posted on your experiences with cognitive distortions and what it’s like for you to move towards greater clarity.  Peace and Hugs! 
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    About Kathy

    As a National Certified Health and Wellness Coach, I specialize in the following issues:
    • dealing with grief and loss
    • issues related to growing up in an alcoholic/dysfunctional family, ie self-esteem, grief, stress management, inner child.
    • quitting smoking or vape
    I have been on a spiritual quest throughout my life, seeking answers to some of life’s deep questions: 
    • Why are we here? 
    • What happens after we die?
    • If God is Love, why does God allow us to suffer pain and loss?
    • How can we find peace and joy amidst the challenges and changes in life? 
    I have long been drawn to these deep ponderings, as well as to a life of service. I entered the convent at 20 years old, was blessed to get sober while in the convent, felt led to leave two years later, and then continued my spiritual journey.

    You can read my spiritual memoir ‘Waking Up Sober in a Convent – and Other Spiritual Adventures’ – click on the Book tab at top of page or go to www.KathyStolecki.com 
    ​
    Along the way I’ve found spiritual tools to aid my recovery from addictions and codependency, have learned the power of being true to myself, have discovered the gift of freedom by dealing with grief and loss and have found spiritual nuggets of GOLD which I’m so excited to share with you! I will be sharing these nuggets with you in my blog.

    I am also available to support you on your journey as your Coach. See my Coaching page for more information. 

    I am eager to hear from you: 
    • what challenges do you face? 
    • what helps you get through tough times? 
    Comment Feature is now working. Just click on 'Comments' and leave your comment. I look forward to hearing from you!!

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